Saturday, November 19, 2005

November 18 (Dismissal anniversary/Children In Need Friday): One year on from my somewhat tense sacking and what have I learned and where have I progressed to? My time at Beaumont Seymour, how they treated me and the way they eventually shitcanned has taught me a lot about life and myself and the fact that I have managed to come through those darktimes succesfully has displayed that I am made of stronger stuff than even I had considered. My confidence that was gradually pushed down to a nub working there seems to have returned now and I currently feel on top of my game as I approach my accountancy finals riding the crest of a health kick wave. Wernham Hogg, it just might have well been.

Ironically as I move on a year from my sacking, I still get university people doing courses and papers about Blogging asking me questions about my blog and my job at Beaumont Seymour. I help them out where I can but often I feel I do not do myself any justice or favours, their questions only entail scratching the surface when really by the end of my 27 or so months at Beaumont Seymour, I had seen more than I should have done and performed acts and made decisions that were with hindsight really unhealthy for me. I don't like to think of too much, I only feel ashamed, angry and embarassed. Today I made a flippant remark on our Bad Hand forum about the place but as extreme as the content was, it came with my old disclaimer safeguard of "only joking", the words they'll probably be now be putting on my grave stone.

So how is my work today? Good. Working in London and Notting Hill is a total buzz. And even under another threat of dismissal this very day (for different reasons) I'm happy to be where I am currently (to the point that waking up at 6 in the mornings and riding trains for nearly four hours a day in total are things I now take in my stride). Despite tempers, I work with great and interesting people and I feel on par with anyone around me up here in London.

And on a dismissal note, mid morning it is reported word of mouth to me that Roy Keane leaves Manchester United. No way did he "leave", he was fucking sacked and for reasons probably pretty similar to/for my dismissal this very day last year. I text Stevo with the news, comparing myself (tongue in cheek) to Keane and Stevo responds "yeah, your ex-employers were both fucking cunts". I guess things aren't so hot back at BS after all.

My afternoon improves greatly when Phoebe emails me, suggesting that we meet up one evening next week after her BPP revision courses in Shepherd's Bush. Immediately I am euphoric but realistically she'll be getting out at four and I at six, what on earth can she do around here for two hours? We raincheck with perhaps promises for a meet up next week but if not for a definite meet up on Dec 21st. This was very pleasently out of the blue.

And this comes after Ben texts me first thing this morning calling me out to go clubbing at Gigantic tonight. I'm too old and tired for that but just as I feel/fear my social life is hanging by a string, an offer drops in on my lap. Good times.

B is in London this weekend and she mentioned a few weeks ago meeting up. I half heartedly agreed but I just know any such meet up could only ever end in tears. I'm not fishing for it.

Instead my evening consists of watching Ghostbusters and falling asleep before Peep Show comes on TV (in other words, I am gone by ten). I am exhausted, this really is not life in the fast lane. Tomorrow I will run faster.

np: Kariya - Let Me Love You For Tonight


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